Living with someone who has ADHD can be quite challenging. An adult who has ADHD has most likely grown up hearing negative messages about his performance, his grades, and his work ethic. These messages, engrained from childhood, can have an extremely negative impact on anyone. These messages do not simply go away as individuals get older. In fact, the negative messages continue to play, affecting a person’s self esteem and leaving him with insecurity and shame.
The Impact of ADHD
With a low self esteem and the constant message that nothing they do is right, children graduate into adulthood ill equipped to handle adult relationships, work situations, deadlines and even social events. Since people with ADHD are often criticized for a lack of effort on their part as children, they easily turn innocent comments made by loved ones into criticisms against them. When an adult with ADHD continues to feel criticized by a loved one, even when criticism is not meant, resentment starts to grow.
When a loved one has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder his actions may be frustrating and hard to understand. ADHD adults often find it hard to complete projects, forget important events, miss details of conversations and not remember agreed upon decisions. While loved ones may try to overcompensate for their ADHD partners, this only leaves them feeling resentful toward their ADHD partners.
Strategies for Living with Someone with ADHD
An adult with ADHD will have to work hard at having a successful relationship. Those living with an ADHD partner will have to remain flexible and understanding. Here are some helpful tips for living with someone with ADHD:
- Do not overwhelm with details. A person with ADHD may easily feel overwhelmed and quickly tune out. Though an important discussion may need to had, it may be necessary to break up the discussion or revisit the next day to ensure both partners are on the same page.
- Do not criticize. An adult with ADHD has likely grown up being criticized for many things. If a loved one continues the criticism, this will leave the ADHD adult feeling resentful and may cause even lower self esteem.
- Recognize that an ADHD partner cannot simply be better. ADHD is a genetic disorder that must be treated on an ongoing basis to keep under control. Asking a partner to be better at organizing or remembering things will simply not work and only add to the frustration.
- Offer support for ADHD treatments. Finding a treatment that helps is different for each person and may take a while. If an ADHD partner is willing to get help provide the support and encouragement along the way it will help. Offer loving feedback that will help to determine if the chosen treatment is having any effect.
Having a healthy and successful relationship with an adult with ADHD is possible. There will be challenging and frustrating times for sure. But if each partner is committed to the relationship and trying to overcome the challenges, a strong and supportive relationship is possible.
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